Carry That Weight
by Brizy B. Darling
Summary: It had been three weeks. Three weeks since what should had happened, didn’t happen. It had been seven weeks since what shouldn’t have happened, did happen.
1. Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER: Yes. I don't own Across the Universe or any of the characters. The only thing that's mine is the plot. Enjoy. :D

"I'll never have children, it's disgusting."

Her words haunted her as she sat on the closed lid of the toilet. 

_Neverhavechildrenneverhavechildren…_

It had been three weeks.

Three weeks since what should had happened, didn't happen.

It have been seven weeks since what shouldn't have happened, did happen.

Lucy ran her hands through her long, blonde hair, trying to calm down her pounding heart. Just because it had been three weeks didn't mean, didn't mean she…

It was because of the wine.

Jude had brought it home. Two bottles. They'd felt rebellious and carefree, drinking straight from the bottle. They'd talked about how they'd put candles into the bottles after they were empty, letting the wax drip down them and creating small masterpieces to decorate the room. 

They'd touched playfully at first, let it lead to more, senses dimmed, thoughts of precautions never crossing their mind. They gave into the sensation of the moment and laughed at themselves the next day. But now…?

Lucy felt nauseous with worry. She'd already been sick once today but her stomach was willing to argue that wasn't enough. She took slow, deep breaths until the ill feeling passed, but still the knot in her stomach didn't leave. 

She would have to get tested. But how could she? Doing so would mean admitting it was possible and she just wasn't ready for that. She would never, ever, be ready.

_Neverhavingchildrenneverhavingchildrenneverhavingchildren…_

She stood up, shaking. Tomorrow. She'd go… not to her doctor. A clinic. Oh, how low class, how trashy that sounded to her. Women off the _streets_ went to clinics. Women like Lucy went to doctors. But Lucy knew she wouldn't be able to face her doctor, not the man who had been treating her since she was four. A clinic.

Tomorrow she would go.

When Lucy came out of the bathroom, Jude could tell there was something wrong. She was pale, and there was a look of worry in her face. He put down the book he'd been reading and stood up quickly. "Are yeh all right? Wot's happened?"

Lucy looked up startled, as if surprised Jude was even in the room. She forced a smile across her face that didn't fool Jude for a second. "Of course, I was just…"

Jude came over to her and put his arms around her and was surprised to feel her trembling. "I don't think yer telling me the truth."

Lucy let out a small sigh. "I think I've got a touch of the flu. I'm not feeling all that well."

Jude relaxed a bit, that explained her lack of color. "Why don't you lie down for a bit? It could help."

Lucy pulled out of his arms and looked up into his face. Jude gave her a reassuring smile. "It'll pass soon enough. Would you like any crackers or anything? Me mum always used to let me have them in bed when I had the flu. I promise I won't complain about crumbs or nothing."

She gave him a warmer smile that gave him more relief that any assurances she could have given. "I think I will lie down, but I don't need any crackers. Thank you Jude."

Jude held her shoulders and give her forehead a kiss which didn't feel to warm to him and then let her go towards the bedroom they shared. As she closed the door behind her, he figured he'd better wash his hands… just in case.

A/N: And so the first chapter ends! This is actually a story idea I had on the bus on the way home today. What's going to happen? Guess you'll just have to stay tuned.


	2. Chapter 2

Lucy tapped her foot nervously, panic hiding just around the edges, waiting to come out and fill her entirely

Lucy tapped her foot nervously, panic hiding just around the edges, waiting to come out and fill her entirely. 

There were all sorts of people here. A woman in the corner who was obviously some sort of drug addict, another sleeping man with stringy hair and a strange wheeze. 

_I should leave, I should go, I should get the hell out of here…_she chanted in her head but something made her stay in her seat. As much as she didn't want to know the answer to what was going to come, she thought she'd explode with the worry of not knowing.

"Lucy!" Her name rung out across the room, making her jump. For a minute, she didn't move. She didn't want anyone to know Lucy was her. She didn't want them to know she was there. Slowly, she rose from her seat and walked over to the desk.

"You can go to room three,." The receptionist said without looking up. Lucy nodded a reply but she needn't have bothered, the receptionist wasn't paying any attention. Lucy hurried down the hallway and into the room.

It was empty inside, so Lucy hovered on her feet, not knowing where she could sit or if she even should. She had just decided on the small bench when the door opened. 

At the door was a small man, balding and nervous looking. Despite her own worries, she couldn't help but feel bad for the man. She'd be nervous too if she had to work around these kind of patients. _Lucy, _she reminded herself somberly. _You are one of these patients. _

"What are you here for today." He asked, pushing up his sleeves.

Lucy found herself at a loss for words. "A check-up…" She said finally.

"A check-up?" It was wasn't the place for that. 

"Tests. I want… testing. A test." Lucy stumbled on her words, her face flushing with shame.

"What kind of test," he asked with a hint of exasperation in his voice. 

Lucy let out a shaky breath. "A pre… pregnancy test." 

"Ahh," the man was suddenly business like. "We'll have to do some blood work. No phobia of needles, I hope."

Lucy held out her left arm to him with a sudden feeling of heaviness. "No, none." 

He did some preparations, cleaning her arm, getting ready to take the blood. "Anything else I'm looking for with these tests?"

Lucy looked at him questioningly. "What do you mean?"

"Sex leads to more than just pregnancies." The man replied.

He was asking about diseases. He thought she was a whore. "There's nothing else to look for!" She said sharply. 

The man shrugged and went to take her blood sample. Lucy looked away, not to avoid looking at the needle, but away from the man's face.

After the sample was extracted the man walked away. "It'll take a few days for the results to come back. In the mean time, it would be best to assume you are."

She shrugged, not really wanting to say anything. She grabbed her purse and slug it over shoulder. 

"You'll get a call, your phone number is on the paperwork you filled out."

She left the room without a reply.


	3. Chapter 3

Jude watched Lucy live the next few days in a kind of daze

Jude watched Lucy live the next few days in a kind of daze. More than once he'd pulled her aside and asked if she was sure there wasn't anything wrong. Every time she would give a Jude a smile that was obviously forced and said she still hadn't gotten over her flu. She never got a fever, but she did seem listless and he thought he had heard her be sick the other day; he had to just take her word for it. At night she shied away from his arms and wrapped herself in blankets. He would stroke her hair until she fell asleep. 

The next morning, she left the house for work still looking tired and pale, but no amount of pleading from Jude would convince her to stay home. "It'd help me feel better, I think." She gave him a kiss and a smile before leaving him wondering in the hallway.

He tried to get his mind of her by doing a bit of drawing, but they were sketchy, disconnected pieces. A sudden knock on the door made him jump. He closed the sketchbook and got up to answer the door. "Max?"

Jude's blonde friend raised a brow. "Gee, try to keep the excitement down."

"Sorry, man, I just… just have been a bit distracted lately." He stood aside to allow Max into the room. "What brings yeh over?"

"Just like to come over now and then and make sure you haven't been deported again. Never know when I'm going to suddenly find you've disappeared again."

"I'm here officially, y'know," Jude couldn't help but grin. "Got me papers stamped and everything."

"Yeah, that's what they all say." Max opened the fridge and began pushing things around. "What have you and Luce got to eat?"

"Sounds like maybe yeh weren't really missing me so much as yer stomach was missing me."

"Maybe it was something like that. Ah!" He pulled out half a sandwich that had been wrapped up. "Mind if I finish this?" He took a bite off of it, before even waiting for a reply. "So tell me what's been distracting you then."

"Oh, it's only Lucy. She's been sick lately. Some sort of flu. I can't help but worry about her."

Max took another bite of sandwich. "She's had the flu before, actually. Multiple times. She pulled through all those times. I think she'll manage to do it again."

"Yeah, I know." He laughed. "How's the sandwich."

"Never met its equal. I appreciate it. I haven't been able to bring in the money like I used to."

"Wouldn't the government do something for yeh, being a war veteran?"

Max scowled, "I've had enough to do with the government already. I really don't need any more of their _help._" 

Jude nodded. "What are you going to do then?"

Max shrugged. "I don't know yet. I haven't really found something that really interests me. Maybe I'll become an artist like you, Jude."

Jude considered this. "Max, yeh can't draw. At all."

"Maybe I don't want to draw to make my art, huh?" Max waggled his eyebrows at him before delving back into the fridge. 

"What are yeh referring to then, Maxwell?" 

Max reappeared with a Coke bottle. "I'm going to write."

Jude raised his eyebrows. "Really? Yer going to write?"

"Am writing, actually."

"What are you writing?"

Max popped the Coke bottle open. "Guess you'll just have to read it someday to find out."

"It's not some sort of romance erotica is it."

"Yeah, Jude, are you're the star."

Jude rolled his eyes. "What is it really?"

"It's just kind of… kind of my life story. It's kind of therapeutic." He took a deep drink. "And now we're not going to talk about it anymore because I can feel your judgments from across the room."

Jude grinned. "I'm not judging you, Max. I'm sure you're a brilliant writer. I'd like to…" Jude was interrupted by a ring of the phone. "Just a mo' let me get that."

He slipped his hand around the receiver. "Hello?" After a pause he replied, "No she's not here right now. Can I take a message?" Pause. "Test results… what test results. What kind of test was she taking?" Jude's face paled as he listened. His voice shook as he said, "Right." and hung up. He leaned against the wall and Max hurried over in worry.

"What is it? What's happened!" Max demanded of Jude.

"It's… Lucy." Jude's vision was unfocused, unseeing. 

Max shook him hard. "Lucy is what? What's wrong with Lucy?"

"She's… she's pregnant."


End file.
